Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
