yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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