I just saw a hot homeless man
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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