so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
