mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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