Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
