I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
