he puts the penis in happiness.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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