What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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