you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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