Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
