so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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