I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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