i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
