it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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