I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
