im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
