You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
