Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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