On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
