Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
