i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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