I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
