you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
