I wish I could teleport
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
