i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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