3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
