It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I didn't notice because vodka
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
