oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
