She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Randomize