Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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