On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
