Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
