Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Randomize
