Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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