You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
