Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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