dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
