My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
