she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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