You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
