big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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