I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
