you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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