is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
