i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize