He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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