too bad you live with your parents still
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
