I can't breathe out the right side of my face
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
