If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize