sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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