He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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