dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
