ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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