If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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