i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
