When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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