Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
