Im at strip club and am horny
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
