the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
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