Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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