My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize