sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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