Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
